Various Sundry Unrelated Topics

Posted on May 24, 2005. 0 comments

"Sorbet Cozy" Pattern:
I used Rowan Big Wool on size US 15 Denise Needles. My gauge was about 2 stitches per inch. The pattern was based on the brand size seen in Tuesday's post. I cast on 23 stitches and joined in the round. I knit for about 2 inches and then decreased two stitches in the next round the following way: At beginning of round: K1, k2 tog, k8, k2 tog, knit to end. I knit for about 1 and 3/4 inches more. Then I decreased two more stitches similar to the way I did above and bound off. I suggest Chocolate or Lemon flavors. Microwaving for approximately 35 seconds will give you a nice melty sorbet.
To Whom it May Concern: I have reclaimed the surfaces of my house. Also note the dishes and laundry are done and put away. Except for that load I let sit in the warsher overnight.
Here's a shot of Pistachio lounging in my permanent assprint on the couch. Note to self: Cramming produce rubber bands on needles with a cable smaller than the diameter of your hips I swear it's a 36 inch cable will not prevent stitch spillage when trying on Pistachio. Second Note: Ignore Husband when he says shorts are the perfect length. Third Note: It is not appropriate for me to wear super low wax required shorts. Not even in the house. By myself.
Speaking of waxing... Let me tell you the story of Audrey*. She is the best waxist this side of the Mississippi. During the year before my wedding I took care of myself. I had my hair cut regularly, bought and wore makeup, ate right, exercised, and had my brows groomed regularly. Lets not speak of the week after the wedding when I threw out all my makeup away, brought out my fat pants, and haven't had a hair cut since October.
After many embarrassing mishaps I found the waxing love of my life, Audrey. I went through tweezing, waxing, threading, errant hairs, over plucking, under plucking and looking permanently surprised that one time. Audrey knows her brows, she was my eyebrow savior. She also knows about Kitchen Aid Mixing, Make up, Fundamentalists, and went to school with famous people. I love me some Audrey. So two days before Christmas I went to the place that employed Audrey to get my chewbacca brows groomed. I waltzed in without a care in the world because I knew I would walk out with the best looking brows untouched by airbrush.
It was with great solemnity that the sales clerk informed me Audrey was no longer with the company.
I can not explain to you the depth of my sorrow at that moment. My brows went on a 3 month hiatus. They grew to the point where I could spin them into grody eyelash yarn, and could scare small children. With great trepidation I went to the mall to another store where they rip out eyebrow hairs in chunks whether it goes with the shape of the brow or not. I was the victim of an eyebrow waxing disaster of enormous proportions. I was sad for weeks. Then the sunshine reappeared! Audrey sent me a note telling me she now works at Salon ShiShi*! And because its been months of growing out the last eyebrow disaster of '05 I'm about to make a triumphant return to see her! I know what you are thinking, that it's going to cost me one hundred million dollars to get my substantial brows waxed at Salon ShiShi but I care not. Some people care about fingernails, some people care about hair or weight. What I care about (other than yarn of course) is eyebrows.
*Names have been changed so I can keep Audrey all to myself

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