A Year in Revue

Posted on May 30, 2005. 0 comments

This is where I should share my purls of wisdom on being married for one hundred years. I've learned many valuable lessons throughout the year.
Plan ahead, especially when important things like cake are involved.
When you don't micromanage oversee the freezing of the cake, things like pickled roses and assorted other foliage end up in places where you least expect them. Luckily I had hard evidence from other brides that year old frozen cake tasted terrible. So I planned ahead and asked my Dear, Understanding, Husband to pick up an ice cream cake. (Complimenting your spouse in a public forum will earn you points.)
Here are some of my favorite Hints.
-Pretend to be asleep so the spouse has to let the dog out at 5:30 am. (We both practice this religiously)
-Pretend not to notice the hand soap is empty until the other person fills it. Then praise effusively.
-Threatening to put the cat box scoop on his pillow is not nearly as effective as buying an automated cat box.
-When he doesn't do the dishes you don't do the laundry.
-If possible hire someone to scrub the toilet and the floor once a month.
-If all else fails, drink knit.
-When he folds his socks Why has he kept every sock and pair of underwear he's acquired for the past 15 years? like you asked but can't move them 3 feet into his dresser and then tells you you are turning into your Mother when you ask him for the 50th time to put them away, you take a picture of his crimes as to publicly smite embarrass him for his insolence.
Family DysFUNction.
You can't just spill secrets on getting along with the irascible relatives by name in an open forum like the internet. Especially if they can use google or if your blog isn't totally anonymous or you have many a snarky comment about their behavior.
-On the occasion when you have to suffer be around his family, drink knit.
In closing I must ask that you not share these tidbits of abject (but sometimes useful) sarcasm wisdom with your spouse because what happens in Wife club stays in Wife club. Brad Pitt is a big feature in Wife club. But we won't talk about that.

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