Posted on Sep 14, 2005. 0 comments

I've just finished the second of five repeats of the 3rd Ene's Scarf chart. I've had to make deals with myself along the way, to overlook the many mistakes and to keep going. I thought long and hard about giving up and frogging the whole thing, and thankfully decided against it. Ironically reading someone's statement about the high difficultly of lace-mohair knitting that gave me more confidence to keep on going. Typically reverse psychology works like a charm on me. I like to blame it on the genes.
Something I can't blame on my gene's any longer is my body. I've finally realized that quitting smoking eight years ago is no longer an acceptable excuse for weighing 50 pounds more than I should. But I've been working on it, much the same way I've been struggling with Ene's Scarf. I've allowed myself to be imperfect and make mistakes.
I threw away my watch, avoided the scale, and put on my running shoes and went outside, one city block at a time. At first I literally did the Gramma Shuffle. My feet made that dragging shuffling sound, and the Husband was walking at my "running" pace. Earlier in the year I tried Weight Watchers for a few months. Admittedly it did help me loose 7 lbs (which I have kept off), but I was completely miserable. I am not a nice person when hungry. I also started jogging on the treadmill at the gym, preparing for the Revlon Run/Walk which I successfully completed. But neither of these things worked in the long term for my health goals.
It wasn't until I gave up on the things that caught me in a circle of obsessing (dieting:weighing myself:not seeing immediate progress:giving up) that I started to see some progress. I don't shuffle my feet anymore, and it seems that I've finally reached the pace I ran on the treadmill. Plus I smoke the Husband when he's walking the dog. If I'm really curious about how far I'm going, I check this website for plotting distances, but I don't rely on it and I don't obsess over it.
I still have a long way to go, but am working slowly toward my goal of being a healthy, strong person.
Funny how these things work isn't it?

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